Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Dear god my vagina.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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