i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
