I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
NoShamevember. You game?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
