i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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