i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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