My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
