you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
