just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My butt remains clenched, sir.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize