I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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