my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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