when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
