I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
