i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I smell like Dick and happiness
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
