I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
