Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
