This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
