I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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