oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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