Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
