Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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