yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
we should paint friendship bongs
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
