Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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