Welp...herpes.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
