if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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