dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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