1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
