so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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