i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
