i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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