You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
