i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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