We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
