The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
