Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize