i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
