I accidentally had phone sex last night
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
