You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
