Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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