Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
