You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
