last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The air was thick with penises
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
