wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
