Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We need a shit load of segways right now
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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