Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
