you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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