You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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