Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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