dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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