Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
