The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
