He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize