you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
