Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
