just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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