2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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