I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
