Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Can I color on your dick again?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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