I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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