Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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