I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
