My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
