Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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