Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
