I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
