That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize