Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
