So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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