dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
