he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
