every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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