hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
