So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
