So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
