I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
